William Shatner Roast
Monday, August 21, 2006
Yet another brilliant Comedy Central Roast last night. Just when you thought they couldn't top last year's roast of Pam Anderson, along comes this year's roast of William Shatner. Jason Alexander led the pack of roasters which included Betty White, Farrah Fawcett, Artie Lange, George Takei, Andy Dick and Greg Giraldo. As the promos said "the shat hit the fan." This was a wild one as Andy Dick licked just about everyone. As always the queen of the roast, Lisa Lampanelli, killed. Here's some hilarious quotes from the show.--------------------------------------------------------------
"Our next guest is the only person on the stage who's fucked all four of the Marx brothers...Ms. Betty White!" - Jason Alexander introduces Betty White
"It always makes me laugh when I see Artie Lange onstage...knowing I'm going to outlive him." - Betty White on Artie Lange"
"Look at you Shatner. You've let yourself boldly go. You went from Captain Kirk to Captain Crunch." - comedian Jeffrey Ross on Shatner's weight
"Speaking of Shatner. Betty White just shat in her pants." - Jeffrey Ross
"Bill and I have a lot in common. Bill was on TJ Hooker and I once banged a hooker named TJ." - Artie Lange
"All night I've had to stare at the messy...clump of hair. Farrah please close your legs. At least Betty White had the decency to shave." - George Takei referring to Shatner's toupee
"I can finally say what I've been waiting 40 years to say: Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!" - Takei to Shatner
"They call her the boss because 45 guys can fit inside her at once." - Jason Alexander on Lisa Lampanelli
"Jack-o-lanterns last longer in the fall than your shows." - Lampanelli on Alexander
"As a singer he is beyond compare. When Elton John heard Shatner sing Rocketman, he spit George Takei's dick out of his mouth." - Lampanelli
"Being Japanese and gay has its benefits. You can bow down to say hello and take it in the ass at the same time." -Lampanelli
"Jeff Ross is so unlikable, that on MySpace even Tom won't be his friend!" - Lampanelli
"Betty White's original name was Betty Black but she got so old she faded." - Lampanelli
"Betty White is so old that on her first game show, the grand prize was fire." - Lampanelli
"William Shatner's ball bag hangs so low he has to hold it when he takes a shit." - Lampanelli
"Andy Dick is so gay, his chapstick is cock flavored." - Lampanelli
"Andy Dick is so gay, he thinks Margaret Cho is funny." - Lampanelli
"The guy's been trying to suck my cock for 40 years. George, for the last time, I will not let you suck my cock!" - Shatner to Takei
"Usually when I see a face like yours, it has a bag of oats hanging from it." - Shatner to Jeff Ross
"Farrah, you really should stay out of the sun. You're skin looks so much like fried chicken that Nichelle's mouth is watering." - Shatner to Farrah Fawcett
Labels: television
posted by jc @ 12:13 AM,
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